END OF AN ERA

We have said goodbye to the pacifier. What finally convinced Small Fellow to give it up, you might ask. Was it our appeals to logic? No! Was it our attempts to shame him? No way! Was it yelling at him? Not even close! It was. . . his teeth!

As you may know, when a child puts a hole in a pacifier, through repeated chomping, the offending object must be discarded, as it becomes a health-and-safety hazard. Well, with his nearly four-year-old teeth, Fellow bit right through each of the last two pacifiers made available to him. And so we explained that since pacifiers are made for 18-month-old toddlers, whose teeth are much less strong than his, he'd keep biting through pacifiers and we'd have to keep throwing them away. Best to just stop now and avoid the risks of choking.

And so we have.

FREDDY ADU HE'S NOT (NO, WAIT, WE MEAN FREDDY ADU WE'RE NOT)

Played a vigorous game of one-on-one soccer in Central Park with Fellow Saturday morning and came away impressed by his instincts and disappointed in our hamstrings. He won the game, 22-18, and reminded us the rest of the weekend that "I won the game, and you lost the game." He repeatedly asked us, "Are you sad because you lost the game?" in a manner that has convinced us to go Great Santini on him next time we get him on the field.

IT'S LIKE THAT OLD JOKE ABOUT THE BLACK BOX: "EVERY TIME THERE'S A PLANE CRASH, YOU HEAR THAT THE ONLY THING THAT SURVIVES IS THE BLACK BOX. SO WHY DON'T THEY MAKE THE WHOLE PLANE OUT OF THE BLACK BOX?"

Except substitute "car" for "plane," and "Britax" for "black box." Or just read this article and stay the Hell out of the car altogether.

KATIE AND MATT, THIS JUST IN: A CORPORATE SPOKESBEAR DEMANDING A HUG DOES NOT A GREAT TOY MAKE

Here's our beef with all of these end-of-the-annus "Toys of the Year" lists, of which the "Today" show's appears to be among the lamest: We don't need them. The best toys for toddlers will remain blocks, puzzles, balls, crayons, Legos, and play farms, among others, for this and several years to come.

In Matt and Katie's defense, we'll concede that the "Love to Walk Baby Pooh" sure looks amusing (for about 20 minutes) and we have no reason to dispute claims that the Radio Flyer Retro Rocket makes "realistic rocket sounds" (you'll be opening the rocket up to cut the wires that make those sounds within a week). As for the rest of the list, the toys seem just like the toys you have now, except with more bells and whistles. (The great thing about writing on toys is that when you say "bells and whistles," it's not a cliche; the items simply contain more features that produce the sounds of bells and whistles. . .)

ON NEWSSTANDS NOW   

FD has an item in the December issue of Parents (not available online) featuring tips for dads watching football with their preschoolers and facing the inevitable question, "Why are those men hurting each other?" We advise explaining that tackling is part of the game, that the players wear pads to avoid getting hurt, that if they play too rough their team will be "punished" with a penalty, and that if Terrell Owens celebrates a touchdown on OUR field by signing the ball with a Sharpie, you better believe he deserves the clotheslining he's gonna get.

IF THE KETTLER IS THE PORSCHE OF TRICYCLES, LET US INTRODUCE YOU TO THE ROLLS

The Journal last week offered this feature on the Kettler, the German-made tricycle that offers parents the chance to spend several times the average price for the category. We've never understood why anyone would spend their money on a Kettler trike when the Schwinn Tiger, which will actually help your kid learn how to ride a bike - and, with its detachable training wheels, will become his first bike - is on the market for $100.

But if you do happen to have $1500 burning a hole in your pocket, get yourself to morgancycle.com. The company was offering free test runs of its finely-crafted roadster in Central Park a few weeks ago and Small Fellow was so inspired by his ride that he . . . ran home to grab his Schwinn and take it for a spin.

November 13, 2004 | Permalink | Subscribe to RSS

Comments

The comments to this entry are closed.